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The rules…

15 September , 2017

So…online dating…hahaha. Very interesting!

I thought it might be a good time to discuss dating in general with Nicola and see what she thinks about it. And more specifically what does she think about me dating.

So I asked her if she was okay with the idea of me dating, and occasionally staying with my folks while I go meet someone, as I might need to see a few guys before I found one I liked. Saturday morning to start with as I’ve been invited for breakfast.

She’s cool with it but she has two conditions:

  1. I have to take a selfie with him…because she says that if we look at the photo and he’s not in it we’ll know he’s a vampire!
  2. If he asks me to marry him, I have to say no.

Mwahaha…good to know that she thinks I am so irrisistable that any guy will ask me to be his wife the first time he lays eyes on me!

I said don’t worry. We don’t even know each other. He’s not going to ask. 

She said, even if he tells you EVERYTHING about himself on Saturday, you must still say no. I don’t want to move, it’s my friend’s birthday party in the afternoon. Hahaha! Things are fast paced in the world of Nicola.

Okay. I think I can agree to that.

I promised not to agree to marry anyone she hasn’t met and liked. And I won’t introduce her to any vampires.

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Now I think that I’ve really seen it all

13 September , 2017

Universe: Challenge accepted! Hold my beer.

Okay, I stand corrected…


I am so dumstruck, I don’t even know how to begin explaining this one. 

Let’s just say if there was a list and one of the options you could tick was, “Had someone fake their own death, rather dramatically, to avoid having a tough discussion with you”, I would now be able to get a point for that.

I think. 

I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure I’m not. Like 97% sure. If your going to dish up a fantastic story it’s key to keep details to a minimum or you’re just making it too easy to spot. You are going to paint yourself into a corner sooner or later, trust me. Less is more.

Anyhoo…Do you think it’s better and more appropriate to send flowers, or to hand deliver to the “deceased”? 😉

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Happy Spring Day

1 September , 2017


Not the coldest winter ever, but still one that made me feel like hibernating.

There are so many things that I have been meaning to write about, but somehow I blink and the moment has passed and I wrote nothing again.

Let me see if I can do a short summary in bullet points:

  • If one considers 18 to be grown up then I have now been adult-ish for 21 years. Of those years I have been single by choice for roughly 14 of those. I’m quite comfortable with my own company. However somehow I am now giving off man-stealing vibes, because for the first time ever people are now pissing on their territory when I’m near. It’s been strange to experience…I still consider myself to be harmless.
  • Still working the flexi hour gig. It’s going really well and we’ve damn near hit our target for November every month since March! I enjoy the people I work with, and they seem to enjoy me too.
  • Gardening up a storm with Nicola at my parents’ place! We’ve planted pumpkins, cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes, peas, cauliflower, strawberries and blueberries. I’m working on some tomarillo seeds from the neighbours to add to our collection.
  • We are now on fibre both at home and work. Data caps no more! Really, it’s too much fun not to worry at all about it. I actually make most of my calls on Voip now too. Earlier this week, unbeknownst to me the router and my phone had a disagreement about security and I was on mobile data for a day before realising. Haha, burnt through what usually lasted me a month in less than a day!
  • I have been terrible at reading. I’ve been sitting on the same book now for almost a month and I still don’t really care about the characters. Soldiering on however, I still have 50% of the book left to find someone I like in it.
  • I have also disembarked the bant-wagon. For many reasons, the primary one being I am not really in charge of what I eat at the moment. So I sort of try to dodge it, but if I can’t I don’t lose any sleep over it.
  • And I have cracked and joined Instagram. Just to see. I’m still not sure what the fuss is about or how many of my photos I’ll unleash on there, but we’ll see.

So that’s where we are, in a nutshell. I’ll leave you with some words of wisdom until I manage to write again…

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He was a very good boy…R.I.P. Diablo

12 May , 2017

He was without a doubt the most disobedient dog we ever had, but he was so gentle hearted, playful and filled with mischief you couldn’t help but laugh (or forgive him).

He had a good run, but his heart just couldn’t keep up with him anymore.

There’s a photo somewhere of him when he was a pup. Glowing red eyes and trying to eat the burglar bars. I really wanted to put that pic up here but that was 2 hard drive crashes ago and my photo albums are all still chilling in boxes. 

Here are a few of my favourite photos of Diablo (that I have in soft copy anyway).







And this was him on his last…

And then he got better…

And then he didn’t.

And when our boy, who loved to run and yip, was quiet and battled to get up or eat from pain…we knew it was time to say goodbye.

And it sucked, because we loved him. And he was part of our family. 

And we will never forget him.

Thanks for the laughs, cuddles and unexpected avo trees Balloeki… and even the high speed chases when you managed to slip out and go on a sight-seeing rampage from time to time. 

xxx

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Time is Marching on ;-)

12 March , 2017

So ideally you don’t want to keep tracking these things, but you know…it’s not just me being affected by this, and two years is a decent stretch of time so it’s okay to wrap it up properly. 

Today is my 1 month anti-versary. 

I feel good. Most days. It’s okay. I also feel no burning need to get back on the horse, so to speak. This horse, or any other stallion passing through. I’m stopping to smell the roses as a pedestrian…and the roses are grand.

(I do however feel like I’ve waved the proverbial unscented body lotion at the scanner of target, since all my fb adds have changed from wedding rings and dresses to dating apps). 

My biggest concern in pulling the plug has always been how it would be for Nicola. I probably put it off for much longer than I should have, because what kind of asshole would I be if I just ripped away a 2nd father figure from her without trying my utmost best to make it work? 

So, ironic I guess that incompatible parenting styles was the final nail in the coffin for us. In fact it may have been about 70% of the previous nails too. And also ironic that Nicola has not just taken this in her stride, but genuinely blossomed away from the drama. 

So truly, in this case, the road to my personal hell has been paved with good but unneccesary intentions. 
Other things in my world at the moment

  • Still working insane hours from home. Flexi hours really mean ALL the hours!
  • Hopefully getting fibre soon, as the new job is intensely data hungry
  • Still on the bant-wagon…although this has been the cheatiest week I’ve had so far! When I eat contra-bant I feel physically ill, and wake up in pain. So that’s a great motivator, as if the weight loss wasn’t enough.
  • My aunt (my mom’s cousin) passed away this week from complications after an operation she had. I didn’t know her that well to be honest, but the funeral was still quite emotional. My great uncle almost fell in the grave! The raw pain and sorrow you see on a parent’s face when they have to bury their child, really hits home…even when the child was 57. I hope I never have to be that strong.
  • I am feeling blessed and taken care of in all areas of my life
  • New car goes like a rocket (especially compared to the old one). It’s been raining off and on, but on the odd occasion that we’ve had a warmer day, the aircon has been bliss…like I knew it would be.
  • I am really enjoying motivation type poster thingies, on fb and pinterest alike. Some of them really make me chuckle. I am not angry…but I can relate to some really angry ones too. Maybe I am angrier than I give myself credit for?
  • I have lots of questions about the new whatsapp status picture thingy. For instance, does it only come up if both people have each other in their contacts? I’ve tried it out a few times now, but I’m not a fan. I don’t miss the old one, since I hardly ever used it but I get more out of posting a pic to fb honestly. Also I get to see it again next year with the “on this day” feature. Do you like it?

Want to see some of the posters I’ve enjoyed? Okay, brace yourself – here they come!

This one is not personally relevant to me, I just had a wow moment when I saw it.

Also not this one…but it is still true. 😀 

Ps! Looks like Sundays are my blog days now. Hope you have a fan-f-ing-tastic week.

Pps! My mom’s birthday is coming up. I am at a loss as to what to get her, and she is not being helpful with ideas. Any suggestions? (Keep in mind that her only vices are reading and shopping, and that I have an extremely limited rebuilding-my-life again budget). 

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New things – Growth

19 February , 2017

So I don’t know about you, but I like to get into a bit of growth after a break up and really 3 days is more or less how long I allow myself to wallow in self pity before I put my game face back on. 

How hard did I wallow? Considering I made the cut myself? Well…I wallowed sufficiently, I guess. For the first 2 days I was only seen in puffy eyes and by the third day I was still pretty sad but at least I didn’t burst into tears every time someone asked me how I was doing.

I guess it also helped somewhat to see him look absolutely unbothered by it all. And you know, remembering how it started. How we used to chat almost through the night in the beginning…and then seeing that he’s been online until the wee hours of the morning. This from a guy who hardly saw 20:00 in the last year and a half. Well, I guess he’s back on the horse then…and it’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be? Just adds a bit of perspective for me.

I reckon in the next week or so the last of his stuff will have been carted away and then it will feel more like the clean break it is.

Anyhoo, back to new things…

The first “new” thing I’ve been tackling is a case of the bants. Techically I have now been banting for almost 4 weeks and it’s been mostly awesome. 

So far I’m down just over 4kg and 11cm round my waist. Ironically this is something Steve and I were going to do together, but all he gave up was Play energy drinks. 

Oh well, it’s all mine now then. 😛 (And I’ll grab it with both grubby little paws since I still want/need to shake somewhere between 10 and 15kg). 

Hats off to those of you have been on this band wagon for years. Turns out, you were on to a fabulous thing and I should have jumped on ages ago. Thanks for sharing your journeys.

And as you may or may not be aware, I have been unemployed since last year July. Economy is in the crapper and my contract just didn’t get renewed. 

So in November, after sending out enough CVs to really be sick and tired of it, I started doing some work from home. It’s not exactly what I saw myself doing to be honest, but it’s work. And I seem to be doing okay at it.

In February I started doing it permanently. It’s kind of killing me now, but there are parts of that I enjoy. I put in a bit of time in the mornings when I get up at 4. Then lots more after I drop Nicola at school. In the afternoons at 15:00 I pick her up again and then we chill and homework and dinner a bit. And by 21:00 I’m back at it untill somewhere between 00:00 and 03:00. Then up again at 4, rinse and repeat. 

Seriously, I am working my ass off and I can hardly keep up. I am hoping with my new drama free homelife, my focus will be a bit better and things will fall in place with a little less blood, sweat and tears from my side.

I do love the lack of traffic, and the super flexibility of this job.

Anyway, I am happy to be working again. It has suckef big time being dependent on the kindness and support of family and friends. But that too, I have appreciated greatly. I really feel that at this stage in my life, I shouldn’t need bail outs as often as I do.

And then lastly (for now at least), a stroke of luck (or destiny), has crossed paths with me. 

For SOoooooome time now, I have known that the little engine that could a.k.a Blue Tazz, needed replacing. But you know, unemployed people aren’t generally in a great position to go car shopping and really my head space was so full of shit that I didn’t really worry too much about it. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

Out of the box isn’t really an option for me at the moment, but second hand I may be able to pull off. Only, I have a bit of a trust issue with second hand cars after what I went through with my first car (that tried to kill me!). 

So imagine how the heavens opened and angels sang on Friday, when I saw a friend who’s leaving the country advertised her car on fb! I know her, and I know her car, and I’m completely okay with it. 

So if all goes according to plan I will have a newer car by the end of this week! With aircon!!! And one whose roof doesn’t flap in the wind like a flag when I open the windows. 

You have no idea how exciting this for me! I have driven my trusty blue for close to 17 years. We have been PLACES, I tell you. Honestly, I’m going to miss it.

But this newer car feels like it’s been sent. It just feels right. I really saw myself in a red car next, but it turns out I was wrong. Because the one that finally spoke to me is silver. 

I can’t wait to see what adventures and new roads we hit first. 🙂

So, all things considered, I am doing just fine. How the heck are you?

Ps! Thanks and sorry to anyone who’s pics I’ve nicked off Pinterest for this post. 

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Yeah…so this happened

12 February , 2017


I’m not going to go into the details of it…sorry, not sorry. Let’s just say we tried, hard, but we realised that we were never going to be pulling in the same direction. 

Or you could say I realised that…since I pulled the plug on it. And met no resistance, so you know…it is what it is.

It sucks, also hard, because obviously this is not how I saw or wanted this all to end up, but I’m sure with a bit of time and space we’ll all come through it.

Of course I will hopefully be writing more often. I have been a dreadful lack of  a blogger, but you know when you’re in the middle of a shit storm it’s probably a good policy to keep your mouth shut.

And that, I think, is all I have to say about this for now. 

Sorry Steve, I do love you…but it’s not enough for me to survive in these conditions.