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Where I beat myself up, for everything

16 August , 2019

You know how some people blame storm and throw other people under the bus when things go wrong?

Yeah…I’m not like that. I am a blame magnet. Not even to other people. I see something that could have a blame tail, and I yank that sucker closer and wrap it around myself like a scarf. A choking scarf. Or I use it as a whip. Anyhoo, I take it. I take it all.

It’s a very bad habit of mine. I can’t help myself really. The best way I can explain it is to say that in the back of my mind I figure, if there’s something I could have done better or differently, then I have control over the situation. I am the cause, sort of, not the victim. It is much more comfortable being the villain than the victim. Sort of. Sometimes.

Right…back to my recent self beating.

If you want to make a grand statement that is so far over the top it just barely has one tenuous string tied to reality, but not enough that you could recognise it for the real deal, you might say I almost killed Andy this week by failing.

If you unpacked that after the WTF?! moment, you might say I did no such thing. Neither the failing or the killing, in fact that is what Andy said when I mentioned it. (Yes, thank goodness, he’s still alive!). He made me promise I wouldn’t say it again cause it’s not true. So I’m writing about it, to tell you I’m not saying it again, hahaha!

The facts:

  • Andy has an abscess in his tooth
  • It causes him A LOT of pain
  • Andy is not currently on medical aid
  • Andy suffers in silence, and doesn’t let on how much pain he’s really in – I get that, I do it too
  • Andy drank A LOT of pain killers to keep up appearances and sanity
  • The pain killer burnt the lining of Andy’s stomach to the point where it could have been fatal
  • Andy passed out on the kitchen floor during the night and when I woke up he told me he was having trouble breathing
  • I first aided breathing issue with an asthma pump, not actually sure if that was a good idea but it didn’t hurt so probably okay
  • Through all this Nicola was begging Andy to please not die!
  • Got Andy to a doctor, even though he was adamant that he didn’t need one, because when you can’t breathe walking it off is not an option really
  • Doctor, very kindly, like a God-sent really, only charged for one of the two visits, none of the injections needed, and treated it as if it was the middle of the range things that could be wrong as opposed to the top end which involves diagnostic scans (G-Scope of many thousand of Rands) and or an operation (I’m not even thinking about the cost of this one, I’m assuming since no one mentioned it it’s fuck-off expensive)
  • Doc is now happy with Andy’s progress, and has prescribed no spicy food, no pain meds, no energy drinks, no coffee, and no acidic things for the next month, along with lots of antibiotics and stomach acid inhibitors – a.k.a Andy is on meds and baby food for the next month
  • Everything is okay and we can all breathe again

The Me beating myself up version:

  • Andy’s not on medical aid because I, as the current main breadwinner, can’t afford it. If I could only put Nicola on medical aid, I wouldn’t be on it either
  • Andy drank a boat load of painkillers without me even noticing, because I have my head stuck up my dinges and I didn’t notice how bad he felt
  • I slept right though Andy passing out! I mean really, this constitutes an emergency and I snooze through the whole event, I am useless in a crisis!
  • The appropriate response when someone tells you they can’t breathe is to rush them to hospital, not hand them a asthma pump!
  • I did not remain calm through any of this. I was a complete basket case.

Okay, so we all live to fight another day.

Apparently this is not my fault, so I’ll let it go, but it sucks when all you want to do is take care of your people and you just can’t.

Side note: Do you think 41 is too early for menopause? I am mighty emotional lately, and I’m looking for a reason. I’ve checked the other symptoms out, I don’t seem to have any of them.

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Long weekend highlights

12 August , 2019

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I got a chance to see this sculpture go up last week. Quite an experience! It was by the same artist who did my current favourite in the building, so amazing in more than one way. I love how this is so different from every angle you look at it.

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Family braai on Friday, for my uncle who’s here from Cape Town for a few days.

Cuzzies chilling together. We did ban them from devices after a bit, and they ran rampage all through the house the rest of the day.

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My aunt and my cousin from Richard’s Bay.

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Same cousin and his brother, who said some things that had us all rolling on the floor laughing! Inappropriate as they may have been, they were bloody hilarious.

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Same cousin and his younger brother.

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Younger brother-cousin’s wife sorting out dinnertime for their youngster.

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My uncle’s friend meets the two youngest hooligans.

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Fun and games.

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Sister of the three brother-cousins.

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These two playing a xylophone together – too cute! Every now and then they had to stop to chew the drum sticks, or to swop sticks because everyone knows the other guy’s stick always plays beter.

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My uncle and his friend.

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My cousin’s husband – master of the green house. 😉

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On Saturday we needed a chill (and catch up with laundry) day. I made some soup in the slow cooker and other than laundry we did as little as possible.

Sunday I took my family to Fourways Farmer’s Market for lunch. It was BUSY! I thought it would be a bit quieter because of the long weekend – boy was I wrong.

Anyhoo, we had fun and the food was delicious. Blazing hot for a “winter’s” day.

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How was your long weekend?

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Protected: It never happened

11 August , 2019

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August…we meet again

6 August , 2019

How quickly is this year zipping by?!

Yesterday the school notified us the kids can start wearing summer uniforms again if they want to. It’s the first week of August, technically still winter, and we’re already clocking high 20’s during the day.

It is going to be one HOT summer!

Anyhoo, some photos of what happened around here over the last week:

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Our monthly EconoFoods shop. This is just a tiny bit over R1000.

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Toiletries, coffee and what not from PnP, also about R1000.

We did a walk through Woolies the other day and just compared prices on food to what we pay. We pay about 1/3 or less on most of the things we looked at.

It’s kind of crazy how expensive food has become. I have no idea how people on minimum wage eat anything other than pap.

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Nicola made a rocket ship from one of the boxes and was “flying to Mars” up and down the driveway. Each toy got a chance to go. Polka would have had a go too, but she didn’t want to stay in the box.

I think it’s so awesome that Noodle can still entertain herself for a loooooooong time playing like this. So cute!

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I had a small factory of a rubber extrusion factory yesterday. Really fascinating what they can do!

I didn’t even know this but apparently adding the black to rubber is what gives it structure, before that it just feels like putty and tears quite easily.

Even so, you can only get whatever you’re looking for in black. We are looking for pink, so rubber is not for us I guess? He sounded a bit like the Ford guy, “Your options are black, black…and black”.

And another interesting thing…the minimum order quantity on a custom rubber extrusion is 50 meters, because the machine is 47 meters long!

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I spent almost 5 hours driving yesterday, and to say I was feeling exhausted and sore would be an understatement of note.

My two highlights of the day was coming home to see Andy shaved Polka and added a lightning bolt, and best of all Nicola brought home her term test for Maths. It’s the one subject that she’s been battling to get over 70%, and she has put a lot of effort into this one. 93%, we were all so happy for her and proud enough to burst!

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Monday musings and a hat tip to traditions

29 July , 2019

Coming up with snappy titles is becoming a bit tricky now that I only do weekly catch up posts. I either have to blog more often and split out topics, or come up with a standardised naming conventions of sorts. 😆

Anyhoo…as always I will bombard you with photos and use that as my talking points.

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Andy and Polka having a little snooze on the couch. I worked from home on Thursday and decided the couch would be more comfortable than the desk. My two “colleagues” dozed off while I was busy, I’m not terribly good company when I work from home. I zone out to the point of not actually being there.

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Way back when, I told my mom that I used to eat Magwinya with my co-workers on a Friday, and that they used to cut up liver spread into little rounds, which fit perfectly inside these round little vetkoek bites.

We saw a lady selling these (without the livers spread) when we were queuing to vote earlier this year, and my mom decided to try and make them herself.

They came out quite delicious, especially if you keep in mind my mom has never actually had the real deal.

Kind of made me a bit nostalgic for the Eat-Shit-Fridays we used to observe at that secret place, and the general vibe of the team I worked in. (The Fridays where my poor tongue had to brave “mild”Fordsburg curry was much harder to pull off than eating street food magwinyas made by the big mammas in oil drums outside the courthouse, carried there on their own poor heads just as the sun came up over the CBD. It was all fun and new though, I loved it all…and even most of the food). 

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Winter’s day blue sky. This one is for Marcia. It’s not a grey sky, but I think you’d like it anyway.

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Some days she looks soooo grown up…and some days she’s still my little baby.

I am insanely proud of this little terrorist of mine. She’s got a good heart and a sharp wit.

My SIL helped us out on Saturday with some study methods for Nicola. She was very impressed with the speed that she zipped through the material. The love for reading definitely shows in things like this.

Noodle isn’t having any trouble with school work or exams, but we just want to make sure she has all the tools and methods she might need before the volume of work increases. Better to lay the foundations right than to try and fix it later.

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On Sunday we went to our tradtional winter chilli-hot-chocolate at 2nd cup. Usually it was just my cousin Melanie and myself, and then later occasionally Nicola. This year it was a FULL house, and still lots of fun – although Melanie and I usually have a bit more gossip going when it’s just us though. 😉

Got everyone with their pinkies in the air…the cups are very dainty. 😆

Other than that…I can just tell you that since Friday I have not felt great. I’m actually not 100% sure what’s wrong with me, but hopefully it will just bugger off the same way it arrived. On it’s own.

On Friday I was busy chatting to Andy, when I suddenly told him, “I’m going to pass out now”. Very matter of fact. He caught me, luckily – and although I did not actually lose consciousness, my brain seemed to have misplaced the directions to up and down temporarily.

This has happened to me before, but usually just for a few moments before right side up presented itself again. This time it actually lasted a few hours. Not great. I was crawling around on the floor to get where I needed to go. Getting up meant possibly falling over. It might have looked funnier than it felt. 😆

If I had to guess what the hell happened, I’d probably go with either an ear infection of sorts, or maybe blood pressure? I don’t know *shrug*. Seems to be over now, thank goodness.

And then Sunday, I was in AGONY! Between my kidneys and whatever else is connected to them, I was man down. After we came back from breakfast I was pretty much incapacitated on the couch the rest of the day (other than the bits I spent throwing up).

Not sure if I ate something that didn’t sit well with me, or whatever else it could be. I’m still a bit tender everywhere, but at least not like yesterday. I didn’t even have any coffee yesterday. If you know me at all, then you’ll know how terrible I must have felt to not have coffee!

Oh well…

Back in the saddle today. Onwards and upwards and so on. 😉

Ooh! Almost forgot to tell you! I went to the FNB Home Affairs sort of thing this morning to renew my ID. I need one in my new surname, and they’re very close to our one client, so why not.

It was quite an experience.

On the upside, it took exactly 15 minutes from start to end, and I should have my new ID within 2 weeks. MUCH better than standing at the normal Home Affairs for how many ever hours.

On the downside, the peeps who work there have taken on a lot of mannerisms from the traditional home affairs, which I found a bit concerning and also ironic.

And now we wait…the next step in our “exciting paperwork journey” is waiting for Nicola’s surname change, which legend has it could take somewhere between 3 months and 2 years, or more, some say even up to 12 years. I mean really?! What the actual F@#%ck could take that long?

We’ll cool our heels until about November if we have to, then expect either some fireworks, or some alternative arrangements, or a hostage situation. Paperwork will be had, one way or another.

Grrr…

 

 

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Everyday magic

24 July , 2019

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Andy says, if there is such a thing as reincarnation, he wants to come back as a dog in our house. Polka is living the high life for sure! And enjoying every second of it.

I think it’s beyond cute to see Andy faff with her…after calling her not-a-dog when he first met her. They are as thick as thieves, and lets just say my dog, that I’ve had for 5 years has suddenly learnt how to sit and give paw on command, and it’s not to me – she knows who wields the cookies in this house!

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Kind Protea inmy parents’garden, looking mighty regal.

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The lesser spotted Nibbles, who also lives here, but is rarely seen and especially not in winter. He more or less only leaves his nest to eat.

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I was experiencing quite frequent head aches lately, and squinting at things that I never used to squint at before…so I thought it might be a good time for an eye test.

I got my first set of glasses about 8 years ago, and wore them maybe 10 times since then. My prescription is not very strong, I am kind of in denial about the whole thing to be honest.

Anyhoo, left eye is still good as new, the right one has an odd shaped eyeball…If you hear me referencing my beady eye, this is the one that I’m now talking about. Just so you know…

I’ve been pretty good with this pair so far. Got them on Saturday and I’ve actually worn them every day since then. They do actually help me in the head ache and squinting department, so maybe it’ll stick this time?

Side note: I have a weird head too. This is just about the only shape of glasses that works on my face, the rest all make me look like a fly. I have the same issue with hats, I just look stupid with them on. Andy and Nicola both have face shapes that just work with every bloody thing. I am mildly jealous.

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Nicola and Andy doing some Top Model pages together. She gave him some homework when it was time for her to go to bed, and he very diligently sat another hour or so drawing and colouring ans stickering a pink fairy like girl, to my great amusement.

I love it…he’s a good daddy to our noodle.

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Every year, I try to take my family on a smallish birthday adventure. So I’ve been scouting out possible ideas for this year, as you do.

Shhh…don’t tell them, but I’m taking them to a farmer’s market. I’m pretty sure they haven’t been there before. It is really beautiful!

I just hope it’s a tiny bit warmer by the time my happy birthday rolls by. Or I guess I can just postpone it, since it looks like my mom made other plans for that weekend anyway.

Just look how cute this is!

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Coincidence…I think not. Haha, I got a chuckle out of these signs together.

The coffee was REALLY good.

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And lastly, I happened to spot the blood bank van outside our clients’ offices today, and my luck was in. They were busy with a blood drive in the one open area, and this saves me trying to co-ordinate diaries and have the stars align to get to my usual drop off point over a weekend.

Since I’ve been a bit sick and sniffly, this is the first time I’ve been fit to donate in a while anyway. I was waaaaaay overdue!

What’s happening in your neck of the woods?

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My Salt Mines

18 July , 2019

I am notoriously un-forthcoming about where I work so hang on to your chairs and let’s just not worry for a minute about why that might be the case.

At the moment, my salt mines consists of Art Management project work. It definitely sounds more glamorous than it is, just so you know. 😉 I’d say roughly 90% of it entails wrestling spreadsheets and databases.

But, every so often a week comes along with lots of actual art in it. So we really picked a great week to give you a peek.

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Packing selected artworks which are being loaned out to the Javett exhibition (September if I recall correctly).

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Ooh-ing and aaah-ing at the Turbine Art Fair. There were obviously a lot more than what you see here, these were the ones I liked a lot.

I was also busy capturing data, so surprising that I managed to take any photos at all.

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Potential new supplier site visit, nice guys, great coffee and a very educational factory tour. Obviously not a supplier for art. They produce parts using injection moulding and 3D printing.

It has been a looooong time since I’ve moved in factories (2006). I kind of miss the straight forwardness of it some days, and all the Portugese swear words I picked up there! I can hardly remember how to call someone’s mother a goat anymore. Haha!

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And today – A monster art move day for a client. And a glimpse into the bowels of the building where the art patiently waits to be selected for a churn into the building.

There you go, don’t say I never tell you anything… 😆