Archive for the ‘Rambling’ Category

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Protected: Release

29 May , 2018

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Warm and fuzzies

28 May , 2018

Isn’t that a lovely message to receive?

I’m going to keep this handy for days that I don’t think I’m doing well at the mothering gig at all…or you know, for when she’s a teenager and possibly (temporarily I hope) hates my guts.

I know I don’t always get it 100% right, but I am always trying my best. That has to count for something.

Thanks Hermien for making my day with this beautiful message. Other than the warm and fuzzy that I’ll save for a day where she tells me I’m not her friend anymore, this message has also reminded me that when you see something special or beautiful in someone else you should speak it. It may mean more to them than you can ever imagine!

Oddly enough, this morning when we said goodbye at school drop off, my thoughts were that this must be the most unconditional love I have ever received from anyone. I am one lucky mamma! My daughter really does consider me her hero, and we have the BEST relationship between us. We can, and do, talk about everything and anything.

I have always, and will always be team Nicola. My little miracle.

Haha, sorry guys. I’m feeling very mush tonight…normal tough cookie programming will resume shortly. Hang in there.

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It was the best of times…it was the worst of times…it was this past long weekend!

2 May , 2018

This particular photo wasn’t strictly speaking from this weekend, but isn’t Polka just so darned cute posing there amongst the autumn leaves?

So on the worst side: Friday was not a very free day for me personally. I managed to pick up some form of food poisoning I guess, and I spent the majority of my day on the bathroom floor trying to keep water down.

It was “glorius”! Not. I am no stranger to tummy bugs and food poisonings alike, best is usually to just let your body get rid of what’s bugging. Don’t fight it, it’s trying to protect you. It got to a point where my dad offered to take me to hospital and I strongly considered taking him up on that offer.

Blergh!

More on the worst side: Poor L, Nicola’s bestie since forever landed up in hospital for most of the weekend fighting of some infection. We snuck in to see her as Nicola isn’t 12 yet and technically not really allowed in the wards. Oh well, the place was just about deserted since I think most people try to have their medical emergencies on weekends other than long weekends.

Nicola was freaked out by all the drips and needles, and didn’t want to touch her friend for fear of hurting her…but at least we got to say hi and drop off a “thinking of you” gift.

On the best side: My cousin Bernadine and her family, and my cousin Albert and his family dropped in for lunch Sunday, and my folks whipped up a FEAST. Even more spectacular, I managed to keep it down (the previous day I kept to toast and black coffee to nurse my poor tummy past it’s temper tantrum).

These two above, Bernadine and Zelmarie are both busy hatching – and both due within a month of each other. Shame, they are in the proper exhausted part of this experiences and made turns almost falling asleep on each other.

More feast prep!

The worst: Monday morning and my noodle looks like she’s coming down with something…and we have big plans for the day, so we self medicate, cross our fingers and hope for the best.

She perked up a bit after she was properly awake. And usually she shakes these things off like it’s nothing (unless there are teeth involved, then she goes down like a ton of bricks and we end up at the emergency room with crazy fevers).

No teeth this time round, no fever, just a bit clingy and not 100%. Felt like about a 80% to me, so onwards with the big plans.

Best times: We spent a fabulous day at the Walter Sisulu Botanical Gardens with L, who we’ve successfully established is in fact not a vampire. 😉

See? He shows up in photos and he doesn’t go up in smoke if the sun hits him. 😀

😀 I am extremely happy…as you can see!

*Blows kisses at L, who also reads this blog now*

On the way out I foolishly let Nicola trot around this new water feature they built. In my defense, it was a pretty warm day and she had been clowning around so effortlessly that it sort of slipped my mind that she woke up not feeling great.

We went home, and all watched a movie together. Nicola insisted that L had to see Harry Potter – Chamber of Secrets. 😆 After which she jumped on him for piggy back rides!

The in between: On Tuesday we took a full on pajama day. A stay at home and do as little as possible sort of pajama day. The best kind of pajama day ever! Very relaxing.

Nicola woke up properly sick and without a voice. It cleared up a bit later but as the day went on the coughing just got worse and worse.

My dad had a mission to clear gutters. You can see the millions of little leaves which were clogging it up. This isn’t even from our tree, but never mind that.

I’m not sure that this is the safest way to unclog gutters demonstrated in this pic above, but it’s a very awkward little space in between the house and the neighbours, and luckily the neighbours were kind enough to switch off their electric fence for this manouvre (it’s not their tree either, in case you were wondering).

My job was to man the tap for blasting and on occasion to hold the ladder for mounting and dismounting. I had a lot of time to take random photos of the leaves and what-not.

Clear skies, wet gutter…I just liked the look of this reflection there.

The worst: Today Nicola was now seriously ill and as luck would have it, my manager who I was supposed to have three offsite client meetings with today also had to bail out due to a sick baby. Her;s is suspected to have glandular fever.

And so we found ourselves at a pretty packed Medicross, waiting to see our doctor…Nicola coughing up a storm, but otherwise being a real champ.

Our waiting room faces…

Okay the last straw worst: Nicola has laryngitis which is busy spreading to her lungs. Two or three days bed rest and a bag of meds prescribed. The list was antibiotics, custom made cough syrup, and Myprodol syrup.

I asked the doc if I could switch the Myprodol for Stopayne, since I know that knocks her out and I think the rest will probably help her get better sooner. He said no problem, just ask the pharmacist to switch it out. Great.

Not great.

The entire experience at the pharmacy was traumatic and unsatisfactory to say the least. Suffice it to say this particular pharmacist and myself rubbed each other up the wrong way from the word go, and we were both happy to see the back of each other by the time I left.

For the sake of completeness of history, let me tell you the way we pissed each other off:

  1. They have this stupid queuing system that allocates you a number. You will not be served without it, so resistance is futile. As luck would have it, the blasted thing had a paper jam when I pressed the button and it took them about 5 numbers to sort it out before I managed to get my hands on an actual numbered ticket.
  2. So the cranky pants at counter 2 opens up. There is no one in front of me. He starts calling numbers that were never allocated. Predictably no one steps up. He obviously has a sort of process to follow, because he calls each number twice and gives a couple of minutes for them to respond. These invisible people who aren’t there. I have a giggle at this and tell him that I think I’m next, there was a paper jam on the machine. OOooooh noooooo! I can’t jump the mythical queue! He carries on with calling no one for ten rounds before I am allowed to step up to the counter.
  3. Oh well, you know, prisoner of process. I shrug and thank my lucky stars that this is not my daily slog.
  4. I mention the Myprodol/Stopayne swop out to him and he gets mighty offended at the concept. Oh no, can’t substitute one for the other, they’re not the same thing you see (yes captain obvious, I know they’re not, that’s why I asked for a different one – they are both over the counter). He is however willing to sell me the other one as an extra…dude, are you for real?! In my moment of need, you are trying to up-sell me?! No thanks, give me the bloody Myprodol.
  5. Next item, the antibiotics. He asks me if I want the Augmentin or a generic? Is this the same guy who had a big twitch about switching out prescribed things 2 minutes ago? Not my finest moment but I did refer him to his own rules and recommended we just stick to what was written down. I do not want generics, and he doesn’t want to substitute – for all practical purposes this shouldn’t come in a discussion.
  6. Then the cough syrup…he says…you know your medical aid will not pay for this? Yeah, okay. Whatever. If that is what Nicola needs then that’s fine by me. I get the impression he’s itching to substitute…I am at this point itching to throat punch. We leave all itchings and get on with it.
  7. He checks the co-payment amount with me THREE times! Where was all this concern with my pocket when we were trying to upsell me on Stopayne guy?
  8. Finally to add insult to injury, he locks my meds in a little cage and sends me to pay my co-payment. Like I am going to risk a criminal record for a little bag of meds. Gmpf! Grrr! (the little cage probably wouldn’t have pissed me off as much if I wasn’t already in the RED by that stage).

We are not going there again. Ever. That is all.

Anyhoo…Other than the few iffy bits, I’d say our weekend was downright fabulous!

How was your long weekend?

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And we’re all wearing black again?

26 October , 2017

So if you haven’t spent all of yesterday and today under a rock, you would know by now that there has been a call to “action” for everyone to wear black on Monday as a sign of protest againt all the recent farm murders.

I have in the past thrown my wardrobe in with similar worthy causes, see below:

So I don’t mind wearing black for this at all. In fact I am already wearing black now, and I’ll keep wearing it till Monday and beyond if it helps.

Will it help? No, it won’t. Will it make it worse? Also not. So I’ll go along with it.

Why does it feel like I’m attending the funeral of my country one wear-black-protest at a time?

I had a very disturbing dream earlier this week about a home invasion by the way. This is not new for me. I don’t remember dreams often but when I do they are usually about me protecting my loved ones from skollies (well either that, or flying with super powers – love those dreams!).

In this dream I was alone however. Four guys somehow broke into the house while I was working and had my earphones on. I didn’t specifically see what happened to three of them in my dream…but I do remember that I ended them with a bread knife and followed the fourth guy outside. He shot me, the asshole! And then I pressed the SOS emergency thing on my phone. Haha, probably should have done that sooner? Right? Anyway in my dream, #notavampire and my dad rocked up at the same time to my SOS. However since they’ve never met it was kind of crucial that I explain what the actual threat was. Skollie number 4 had scampered over the wall with only minor bread knife flesh wounds and I was busy painting the driveway red and starting to see spots.

At this point I passed out from blood loss in the dream and woke up from heart pulputations in the real world. Read into that what you want to. 😉

Anyway, never mind my fucked up dream where taking a bread knife to a gun fight actually seemed like a great move. It’s not. Seriously, if that’s all you have – try your best, but don’t make it your go to move. 

What I guess the point is that as dreams go, it’s not that far fetched. We have had armed robberies and home invasions up and down this street in almost every house but this one. My brother has been in multiple armed robberies (remember this?).

So I’ll wear the black on Monday. One day it may very well be for my own funeral or yours… I don’t see this getting better. And I don’t see a way out for me and my family (even if we wanted to go, which we don’t). 

We may get taken out…but we won’t go quietly. And until that day we’ll wear black when called to as the armchair activists we are.

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Happy Spring Day

1 September , 2017


Not the coldest winter ever, but still one that made me feel like hibernating.

There are so many things that I have been meaning to write about, but somehow I blink and the moment has passed and I wrote nothing again.

Let me see if I can do a short summary in bullet points:

  • If one considers 18 to be grown up then I have now been adult-ish for 21 years. Of those years I have been single by choice for roughly 14 of those. I’m quite comfortable with my own company. However somehow I am now giving off man-stealing vibes, because for the first time ever people are now pissing on their territory when I’m near. It’s been strange to experience…I still consider myself to be harmless.
  • Still working the flexi hour gig. It’s going really well and we’ve damn near hit our target for November every month since March! I enjoy the people I work with, and they seem to enjoy me too.
  • Gardening up a storm with Nicola at my parents’ place! We’ve planted pumpkins, cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes, peas, cauliflower, strawberries and blueberries. I’m working on some tomarillo seeds from the neighbours to add to our collection.
  • We are now on fibre both at home and work. Data caps no more! Really, it’s too much fun not to worry at all about it. I actually make most of my calls on Voip now too. Earlier this week, unbeknownst to me the router and my phone had a disagreement about security and I was on mobile data for a day before realising. Haha, burnt through what usually lasted me a month in less than a day!
  • I have been terrible at reading. I’ve been sitting on the same book now for almost a month and I still don’t really care about the characters. Soldiering on however, I still have 50% of the book left to find someone I like in it.
  • I have also disembarked the bant-wagon. For many reasons, the primary one being I am not really in charge of what I eat at the moment. So I sort of try to dodge it, but if I can’t I don’t lose any sleep over it.
  • And I have cracked and joined Instagram. Just to see. I’m still not sure what the fuss is about or how many of my photos I’ll unleash on there, but we’ll see.

So that’s where we are, in a nutshell. I’ll leave you with some words of wisdom until I manage to write again…

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Time is Marching on ;-)

12 March , 2017

So ideally you don’t want to keep tracking these things, but you know…it’s not just me being affected by this, and two years is a decent stretch of time so it’s okay to wrap it up properly. 

Today is my 1 month anti-versary. 

I feel good. Most days. It’s okay. I also feel no burning need to get back on the horse, so to speak. This horse, or any other stallion passing through. I’m stopping to smell the roses as a pedestrian…and the roses are grand.

(I do however feel like I’ve waved the proverbial unscented body lotion at the scanner of target, since all my fb adds have changed from wedding rings and dresses to dating apps). 

My biggest concern in pulling the plug has always been how it would be for Nicola. I probably put it off for much longer than I should have, because what kind of asshole would I be if I just ripped away a 2nd father figure from her without trying my utmost best to make it work? 

So, ironic I guess that incompatible parenting styles was the final nail in the coffin for us. In fact it may have been about 70% of the previous nails too. And also ironic that Nicola has not just taken this in her stride, but genuinely blossomed away from the drama. 

So truly, in this case, the road to my personal hell has been paved with good but unneccesary intentions. 
Other things in my world at the moment

  • Still working insane hours from home. Flexi hours really mean ALL the hours!
  • Hopefully getting fibre soon, as the new job is intensely data hungry
  • Still on the bant-wagon…although this has been the cheatiest week I’ve had so far! When I eat contra-bant I feel physically ill, and wake up in pain. So that’s a great motivator, as if the weight loss wasn’t enough.
  • My aunt (my mom’s cousin) passed away this week from complications after an operation she had. I didn’t know her that well to be honest, but the funeral was still quite emotional. My great uncle almost fell in the grave! The raw pain and sorrow you see on a parent’s face when they have to bury their child, really hits home…even when the child was 57. I hope I never have to be that strong.
  • I am feeling blessed and taken care of in all areas of my life
  • New car goes like a rocket (especially compared to the old one). It’s been raining off and on, but on the odd occasion that we’ve had a warmer day, the aircon has been bliss…like I knew it would be.
  • I am really enjoying motivation type poster thingies, on fb and pinterest alike. Some of them really make me chuckle. I am not angry…but I can relate to some really angry ones too. Maybe I am angrier than I give myself credit for?
  • I have lots of questions about the new whatsapp status picture thingy. For instance, does it only come up if both people have each other in their contacts? I’ve tried it out a few times now, but I’m not a fan. I don’t miss the old one, since I hardly ever used it but I get more out of posting a pic to fb honestly. Also I get to see it again next year with the “on this day” feature. Do you like it?

Want to see some of the posters I’ve enjoyed? Okay, brace yourself – here they come!

This one is not personally relevant to me, I just had a wow moment when I saw it.

Also not this one…but it is still true. 😀 

Ps! Looks like Sundays are my blog days now. Hope you have a fan-f-ing-tastic week.

Pps! My mom’s birthday is coming up. I am at a loss as to what to get her, and she is not being helpful with ideas. Any suggestions? (Keep in mind that her only vices are reading and shopping, and that I have an extremely limited rebuilding-my-life again budget). 

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New things – Growth

19 February , 2017

So I don’t know about you, but I like to get into a bit of growth after a break up and really 3 days is more or less how long I allow myself to wallow in self pity before I put my game face back on. 

How hard did I wallow? Considering I made the cut myself? Well…I wallowed sufficiently, I guess. For the first 2 days I was only seen in puffy eyes and by the third day I was still pretty sad but at least I didn’t burst into tears every time someone asked me how I was doing.

I guess it also helped somewhat to see him look absolutely unbothered by it all. And you know, remembering how it started. How we used to chat almost through the night in the beginning…and then seeing that he’s been online until the wee hours of the morning. This from a guy who hardly saw 20:00 in the last year and a half. Well, I guess he’s back on the horse then…and it’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be? Just adds a bit of perspective for me.

I reckon in the next week or so the last of his stuff will have been carted away and then it will feel more like the clean break it is.

Anyhoo, back to new things…

The first “new” thing I’ve been tackling is a case of the bants. Techically I have now been banting for almost 4 weeks and it’s been mostly awesome. 

So far I’m down just over 4kg and 11cm round my waist. Ironically this is something Steve and I were going to do together, but all he gave up was Play energy drinks. 

Oh well, it’s all mine now then. 😛 (And I’ll grab it with both grubby little paws since I still want/need to shake somewhere between 10 and 15kg). 

Hats off to those of you have been on this band wagon for years. Turns out, you were on to a fabulous thing and I should have jumped on ages ago. Thanks for sharing your journeys.

And as you may or may not be aware, I have been unemployed since last year July. Economy is in the crapper and my contract just didn’t get renewed. 

So in November, after sending out enough CVs to really be sick and tired of it, I started doing some work from home. It’s not exactly what I saw myself doing to be honest, but it’s work. And I seem to be doing okay at it.

In February I started doing it permanently. It’s kind of killing me now, but there are parts of that I enjoy. I put in a bit of time in the mornings when I get up at 4. Then lots more after I drop Nicola at school. In the afternoons at 15:00 I pick her up again and then we chill and homework and dinner a bit. And by 21:00 I’m back at it untill somewhere between 00:00 and 03:00. Then up again at 4, rinse and repeat. 

Seriously, I am working my ass off and I can hardly keep up. I am hoping with my new drama free homelife, my focus will be a bit better and things will fall in place with a little less blood, sweat and tears from my side.

I do love the lack of traffic, and the super flexibility of this job.

Anyway, I am happy to be working again. It has suckef big time being dependent on the kindness and support of family and friends. But that too, I have appreciated greatly. I really feel that at this stage in my life, I shouldn’t need bail outs as often as I do.

And then lastly (for now at least), a stroke of luck (or destiny), has crossed paths with me. 

For SOoooooome time now, I have known that the little engine that could a.k.a Blue Tazz, needed replacing. But you know, unemployed people aren’t generally in a great position to go car shopping and really my head space was so full of shit that I didn’t really worry too much about it. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

Out of the box isn’t really an option for me at the moment, but second hand I may be able to pull off. Only, I have a bit of a trust issue with second hand cars after what I went through with my first car (that tried to kill me!). 

So imagine how the heavens opened and angels sang on Friday, when I saw a friend who’s leaving the country advertised her car on fb! I know her, and I know her car, and I’m completely okay with it. 

So if all goes according to plan I will have a newer car by the end of this week! With aircon!!! And one whose roof doesn’t flap in the wind like a flag when I open the windows. 

You have no idea how exciting this for me! I have driven my trusty blue for close to 17 years. We have been PLACES, I tell you. Honestly, I’m going to miss it.

But this newer car feels like it’s been sent. It just feels right. I really saw myself in a red car next, but it turns out I was wrong. Because the one that finally spoke to me is silver. 

I can’t wait to see what adventures and new roads we hit first. 🙂

So, all things considered, I am doing just fine. How the heck are you?

Ps! Thanks and sorry to anyone who’s pics I’ve nicked off Pinterest for this post.