Archive for the ‘Talks with myself’ Category

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New things – Growth

19 February , 2017

So I don’t know about you, but I like to get into a bit of growth after a break up and really 3 days is more or less how long I allow myself to wallow in self pity before I put my game face back on. 

How hard did I wallow? Considering I made the cut myself? Well…I wallowed sufficiently, I guess. For the first 2 days I was only seen in puffy eyes and by the third day I was still pretty sad but at least I didn’t burst into tears every time someone asked me how I was doing.

I guess it also helped somewhat to see him look absolutely unbothered by it all. And you know, remembering how it started. How we used to chat almost through the night in the beginning…and then seeing that he’s been online until the wee hours of the morning. This from a guy who hardly saw 20:00 in the last year and a half. Well, I guess he’s back on the horse then…and it’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be? Just adds a bit of perspective for me.

I reckon in the next week or so the last of his stuff will have been carted away and then it will feel more like the clean break it is.

Anyhoo, back to new things…

The first “new” thing I’ve been tackling is a case of the bants. Techically I have now been banting for almost 4 weeks and it’s been mostly awesome. 

So far I’m down just over 4kg and 11cm round my waist. Ironically this is something Steve and I were going to do together, but all he gave up was Play energy drinks. 

Oh well, it’s all mine now then. 😛 (And I’ll grab it with both grubby little paws since I still want/need to shake somewhere between 10 and 15kg). 

Hats off to those of you have been on this band wagon for years. Turns out, you were on to a fabulous thing and I should have jumped on ages ago. Thanks for sharing your journeys.

And as you may or may not be aware, I have been unemployed since last year July. Economy is in the crapper and my contract just didn’t get renewed. 

So in November, after sending out enough CVs to really be sick and tired of it, I started doing some work from home. It’s not exactly what I saw myself doing to be honest, but it’s work. And I seem to be doing okay at it.

In February I started doing it permanently. It’s kind of killing me now, but there are parts of that I enjoy. I put in a bit of time in the mornings when I get up at 4. Then lots more after I drop Nicola at school. In the afternoons at 15:00 I pick her up again and then we chill and homework and dinner a bit. And by 21:00 I’m back at it untill somewhere between 00:00 and 03:00. Then up again at 4, rinse and repeat. 

Seriously, I am working my ass off and I can hardly keep up. I am hoping with my new drama free homelife, my focus will be a bit better and things will fall in place with a little less blood, sweat and tears from my side.

I do love the lack of traffic, and the super flexibility of this job.

Anyway, I am happy to be working again. It has suckef big time being dependent on the kindness and support of family and friends. But that too, I have appreciated greatly. I really feel that at this stage in my life, I shouldn’t need bail outs as often as I do.

And then lastly (for now at least), a stroke of luck (or destiny), has crossed paths with me. 

For SOoooooome time now, I have known that the little engine that could a.k.a Blue Tazz, needed replacing. But you know, unemployed people aren’t generally in a great position to go car shopping and really my head space was so full of shit that I didn’t really worry too much about it. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

Out of the box isn’t really an option for me at the moment, but second hand I may be able to pull off. Only, I have a bit of a trust issue with second hand cars after what I went through with my first car (that tried to kill me!). 

So imagine how the heavens opened and angels sang on Friday, when I saw a friend who’s leaving the country advertised her car on fb! I know her, and I know her car, and I’m completely okay with it. 

So if all goes according to plan I will have a newer car by the end of this week! With aircon!!! And one whose roof doesn’t flap in the wind like a flag when I open the windows. 

You have no idea how exciting this for me! I have driven my trusty blue for close to 17 years. We have been PLACES, I tell you. Honestly, I’m going to miss it.

But this newer car feels like it’s been sent. It just feels right. I really saw myself in a red car next, but it turns out I was wrong. Because the one that finally spoke to me is silver. 

I can’t wait to see what adventures and new roads we hit first. 🙂

So, all things considered, I am doing just fine. How the heck are you?

Ps! Thanks and sorry to anyone who’s pics I’ve nicked off Pinterest for this post. 

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Protected: 2016 – Uncle! Uncle! Uncle!

12 December , 2016

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Nothing earth shattering

12 October , 2016

I am so tired…and EMOTIONAL! Lots of fun to be around at the moment as you can imagine.

I’m in between contracts (aka unemployed) at the moment. It’s not really how I envisaged my 2016 to go down, but oh well, you know. These are the punches that need rolling with at this stage.

Also this rental house, which has been on the market for mooooonths now, and had 6 different agencies all trying to flog it at the same time, has been sold. And we have to be out end November.

If I don’t sort out my work situation soon, we might be looking for a cardboard box for 5 soon.

Also my car (aka the little engine that could), looks like it’s had enough. If you drive with more than one window open now, the ceiling fabric comes loose and flaps excitedly in the wind. It’s different, I’ll say that…

So yeah, I’m a bit down. If you see me, don’t ask me know I’m doing please. That seems to be my water works button at the moment. It’s awkward. Let’s rather talk about the shifty weather we’re having, or the students torching the University they want to attend for free.

Just don’t ask me how I am…please. I am not fucking great. Let’s leave it at that. I know this is all temporary and at some point I will have a chuckle about how dramatic I felt about it. I am really looking forward to that!

Okay, now some photos.

This is a week’s washing for us. This (on me, that you can’t see) is my no comment face.

Emergency dental visit. Of course. I’m glad it wasn’t serious obviously, but you know I could have spent that R700 on something else. Like petrol. Or rent. Or box tape for the move. Or food. Or phone bills. Or credit cards.

Oh well…*shrug*…it is what it is.

This too shall pass.

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Voortrekkers update

23 February , 2015

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I have very fond memories of going to Voortrekkers when I was a child. I mean seriously, what’s not to like?! We got to go on camps every school holiday, learn new things, get up to all sorts of mischief, and make friends for life along the way. Some of my fondest memories involve these camping trips and the people I got to know through them.

Naturally I would really like Nicola to have a chance to experience the same, so I’ve kind of strong armed her into it. Realistically I only have enough leave to almost cover one school holiday, and that will always be the December holiday since there is no aftercare in that one to take up the slack. So either I find something for her to do in the other school holidays or she will be experiencing extremely boring holidays for the next 13 years while I sit at work and she sits at aftercare during the day. In my opinion that is an awful way to spend a holiday!

The other plus point is obviously that it gives her a bit closer look at some of the cultural things and history of being Afrikaans. I got some of this out of it too, but mostly I was in it for the fun. 😉

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The first few gatherings did not really blow Nicola’s hair back and she was desperately trying to wiggle her way out of it (sometimes by pretending to be a goat and eating my clothes along the way), but about 3 meetings in it looked like it’s finally starting to grow on her (thank goodness!).

Every morning she asks me if it’s Voortrekkers today…nope it’s not…only on Mondays. When a Monday rolls round she cheers enthusiastically about the fact that it’s finally a yes! I’m really relieved that she’s taken a liking to it, I am convinced that she is going to end up loving it as much as I did, if not more.

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I can’t remember how many meetings in this was, but they had a loom band competition for all the kids. You have never seen so many rubber bands in one place in your life! I think this might have been the one that turned it for her, because it became a lot easier to get her there after this meeting.

Most of children in her team are from her school, and even a few in her class. I am also hoping that this will be another channel for her to make friends…and a place where she can learn HOW to make friends in future. This isn’t something I ever battled with, so I am at a bit of a loss as to help her aquire that valuable skill. (Side Note: Her teacher at school tells me that she now in fact has two main friends in class – no1, the R-boy from her previous school who is so very attached to her, and no2, another R-boy who sits next to her in class…the teacher thinks it’s all super adorable and she specifically mentioned it to me because we had the lack of friend discussion a few weeks ago).

I’m sure I’ve told you before that I only let Nicola do one extra mural a year, so I think I may have to up it to two if I’m going to be picking this one on her behalf as an ongoing thing? This year it’s still fairly straight forward though, because the silly school has decided that all the GradeR activities happen in second break at school. I think she needs to eat her sandwich and chill with her pals in that time, so subsequently I’m not letting her do any of those activities…I’m pretty firm on this point. Extra murals should be after school, and NOT in break time!

What kinds of activities do your kids do, and how many do you think is ENOUGH? How do you get round to everything? (I’m slipping away a few minutes early every Monday so that I can get her to Voortrekkers on time – there is transport available, but I have issues letting my darling daughter get in the car with any random stranger…even for three or four blocks).

Ps! Some of the peeps reading here were in Voortrekkers with me, way back when. You might get a kick out of this next bit: there is a husband and wife combo in charge of Nicola’s team. It is traditional at Voortrekkers to refer to these people as Nig and Neef. A few weeks ago the wife part of the team wasn’t there and the husband part wrangles the 12 hooligans all by himself. Nicola insists on calling him Juffrou, I chuckle in my sleeve everytime she does it! Hahaha….to his credit he responds to it every single time! 😆

 

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Protected: TSC – Part 6 – Panic attacks and whatnot

10 February , 2015

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Everything and the kitchen sink ramble

4 August , 2014

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But, first things first. Here is the feet shot I told you about on Friday.

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A colleague’s T-shirt. Hehehe, obviously also not a fan of the stick family stickers. 😉

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As quickly and unexplainable as the major tantrums and out of sort-ness arrived, it has left. We have had nothing but mild and happy moods all weekend long – what a pleasure! I am extremely grateful to say the least. I guess it must just have been a case of the sicks with a side order of side effects from the meds? Anyway, whatever it was – it’s gone now. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Here’s Nicola, rocking her new princess dress made by Ouma, and Polka – post bath and hankering for a fairy wand. What glorius weather we had this past weekend too, didn’t we? Awesome. Spring is definitely upon us.

My fingers are itching to plant something!

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On Saturday I went to a grown ups only lunch party (not the kind of thing I do often these days). My friend, Ivy, celebrated her 40th in a great gatsby inspired event at Second Cup Deli. It was fabulous!

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The venue is very pretty, and the company was great. I didn’t think I was going to stay so long, but in the end I left with almost everyone else, when they closed at 17:00 (loooong lunch!). I enjoyed every second.

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Textures. Isn’t that pretty?

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The table of party goers.

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The food was delicious too, so I thought I’d bombard you with a bit of that for a change.

This is a sweet potato soup with cheesy bread fingers. Delish!

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You could choose out of about 6 mains or deserts (damn, just realised I never took aphoto of my cake). Anyhoo, this is a chicken and salad, obviously – and then the dressing/sauce on the side was some passion fruit balsamic thingy which went very nicely with both.

I had a piece of chocolate cake at the end…but I never stopped to take a picture, sorry.

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Smoke break outside.

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My cup runneth over…literally. Cuppacino with cream. Yumm!

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Ivy also arranged for a photographer to attend all her festivities and to do shoots as far as they went, so I thought I’d grab a quick photo of her in action too.

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Back at my parents’ place, after the party, Nicola was putting up a magic show for myself and all of her toys. Too cute!

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Sunday morning…if you recognise the dress, it’s because she wasn’t willing to venture outside without it the whole weekend. I decided that it didn’t really bug me enough to insist on something else. Luckily by the end of Sunday it was so properly dirty that Nicola volunteered it for the laundry bin.

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My little princess…

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We popped in to see my friend, Fluffbunny, and her little bundle of joy on Sunday. Little man was born on the 9th of July, but I decided that we wouldn’t go and see him until Nicola was fully healthy again. I never want to be THAT asshole that brings flu to newborn, especially if that baby is the firstborn newborn and the mom is still blissfully unaware of how much snot comes out of a baby once they get sick.

Yip, not going to be that guy if I can help it…ever.

Nicola dragged her ballerina jewelry box along all day and played soothing music for the little guy when he briefly woke up. It actually looks like he rather enjoyed that.

Little man’s dad had a laugh at Nicola at some point.  She was drinking water and spilt a few drops on her pink dress. Like a flash she was outside in the sun for it to dry off, but she informed him on a very serious note that this was a crime against fashion! Mwahaha…he says he hopes to never hear that from his son. 😉

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This morning when I arrived at work, the Queen had brought me a gift from Marcia. Can you believe how sweet they both are? What a lovely surprise.

Marcia and my line manager, the Queen, live about a block away from each other. I am suitably impressed that they manouvred this without me even getting a whiff of it beforehand.

It’s my birthday on Friday…so I am not opening it before that. But the outside is very pretty and I am extremely curious to see what’s inside! 😉

Read the rest of this entry ?

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14.7.2014 Tannie Ria

17 July , 2014

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Ek kan nie glo jy’s weg nie…

Nie meer op jou pos in jou stoel in die kombuis, glas wyn in die hand, rokies op die kas, altyd gereed om drukkies uit te deel of ‘n skouer om op te huil, of te luister en raad te gee…of te skater van die lag nie nie.

Net weg…

Daar is donker tye wat ek nie weet of ek anderkant sou uitgekom het sonder jou nie. Jy met jou klein armpies en jou groot hart. Op een so ‘n geleentheid het ek daar gesit en kla, en na seker ‘n uur of meer het jy gesê…weet jy my kindjie, ek sit nou hier na jou en luister en ek hoor baie “ek voel” en “ek dink”, maar waar is die “ek besluit” en die “ek doen”? Jy gaan jouself mal maak met hierdie ander kak, en dis nie hoe ek jou ken nie. Mwahaha…spyker op die kop soos gewoonlik, ek dink altyd aan jou woorde wanneer ek vasval in ‘n ek dink en ek voel situasie.

Dankie vir al die lag saam, die geselsies oor die wêreld en wat nog – soms deur die nag om daai kombuis kas. Dankie vir al die liefde.

Ek is jammer dat ons nie meer gekuier het nie, veral die laaste paar jaar. En ek is jammer dat jy nooit vir Nicola ontmoet het nie, sy is die beste dingetjie wat nog ooit met my gebeur het en ek dink jy sou dit geniet het om te sien hoe sy my op my tone hou.

Jy los ‘n groot gat Tannie Ria, ‘n LEEMTE. My hart is stukkend.

Slaap sag…