Bursting the dam
19 May , 2023The last two days have been devastating for me. I consider myself an optimist but I have spent these days mostly sobbing and feeling very sorry for myself.
I was supposed to start my last round of chemo on Monday, but I first got a call to come in and then a call to not come in because there was a covid break out and they ran out of beds.
On Wednesday I got another call to come in, but now I had two different bacterial infections, one of which is antibiotic resistant. A bladder infection and my old check engine light breast abscess. “Fan-fucking-tastic”
They put me on loads of medication and are keeping me here till at least Saturday. If it looks better I might start chemo today, if not then on Saturday I have the first of three operations for the coming week. I’m dreading all the upcoming operations as it is since my last run in with anesthetic where I woke up in theater. And of course there is still that last chemo to work in somewhere, so I would then probably spend all of next week in hospital too.
My brother is here from New Zealand and he is leaving next week Friday. I haven’t seen him before this visit for thee years and who knows when I will see him again after this.
To say that I am distraught would be the understatement of the year. I’m also panicking that the stupid boob is trying to tell me something else has gone pear shaped.
Al meine Sachen fallen auseinander 😭 my head is not a good place to be right now. I am terrified, sad, and tired. I have a psych consultation scheduled for some time today, which is probably a really good idea at this point.
123 Blog Myself 
Oh my gosh, I think the psych appt is a great idea. How did it go? I would leave you a lovely voice note but I cough like crazy if I try to talk (since Thursday night). xxxx Can R come see you in the hospital?
They eventually gave me the option of going home on Friday or staying another night and maybe the psychiatrist would get round to me…so I went home instead. I said I’ll be there most of next week, they’ll have to catch me then. The bloodtests showed that other than the infection count which was up, my white blood count was too far down for chemo anyway. They would have had to start me on antibiotics just in case regardless, so we’re ahead if that by already being in two different ones. Doc said they’ll take more blood early next week and see if it looks better but they might decide 4 sessions is enough and a fifth isn’t necessary. The Brachytherapy carries on in any event but it looks like if I’m just a little bit lucky I might just end up there Thursday and Friday night, and on the other days go home after the external Radiation at least. Riaan has asked Andy to take him through for a visit Thursday night, his flight leaves Friday afternoon. I was really a mess this last week Marcia, not only health wise but also head wise. If one leads to the other I’m not even sure which one came first, the chicken or the egg.
Hope you feel better soon xxx