It’s awfully quiet round here…

Guess what…

I am in fact not dead, nor have I given up blogging as a current obsession. I’ve just been off in my own head thinking. Thank you to everyone who’s been leaving messages all over trying to connect (I am never this quiet, and usually when I am quiet it’s not always a good sign). I’m not going to apologise – I just needed a time-out to get my head screwed on straight again.

So…major and semi-major interesting things that have happened in the last almost two weeks that I’ve been silent.

• I turned 30 *gasp!* (I was just as surprised as everyone else, never thought it would happen to me 😉 )
• I realised that I had fallen in lust/love/whatever with someone completely ill suited (of course, because a part of me just digs suffering I guess) and managed to sort of talk myself out of it, or at least doing anything about it (Yay! for me and being a goody-2-shoes).
• I have come to despise my work which started out as being about helping people, degenerated over the course of a few months into cleaning up of data basis information, and has now reached an all time low in becoming about compiling spam lists and recruiting unsuspecting strangers to do the same! I am sorry, but I just refuse to sell my soul for 50c ass-holes. If the powers that be are watching I’ll probably be fired before the end of the day for admitting to “saving” people from them by removing data instead of adding it whenever I get the chance. (I really don’t think I should be writing this? Am I being vague enough to keep my nose clean?)
• Our office has now been infected with rats and in their wake also some other blood sucking creatures which resemble fleas for the second time this year and I am being eaten alive at my desk. I’ve heard of the whole “pound of flesh” thing, but this is f-ing ridiculous! I am not a happy puppy…even though I scratch more than one at the moment.
• I realised that by moving to Cape Town and meeting some really awesome people down here that I have effectively torn myself in two, which sucks in the worst way possible.
• I have decided that I need/want/must move back to Johannesburg – and having finally made a decision would like to see myself doing this by the end of August – latest 1st week in September since I promised my cousin a ride back from the airport on the 1st of September.
• Regards to Peter Pan, I’ve realised it’s time to “grow up”. How exactly does one go about doing that?

So, there you have it. That sums it up more or less. I miss my family, and I miss my home. I love all the people down here that I’ve crossed paths with and I intend to win the Lotto and visit at every opportunity I get – but it’s just not where I should be. Does that make sense? I’m just feeling a little bit lost at the moment. I wonder if it will be just like the chaos – I’ll probably find that this is just another one of those things I run from and end up realising that I carry it with me wherever I go anyway? (Damn, this is quite gloomy huh?)

For my next trick I will attempt to get all my worldly belongings back up to Johannesburg and rebuild a life I have sorely neglected for the last 8 months. Ideas and suggestion are as always welcome. I can already tell…this is not going to be easy.

Oh yeah, and don’t worry – normal transmission will resume shortly. 😉