Archive for the ‘Nicola’ Category

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Find your voice my pink terrorist

29 May , 2021

I can’t actually believe we’ve been dealing with this shit AGAIN.

For moooooonths now Nicola has been at the mercy (or believed herself to be so) of a bully. This kid was previously a friend, and wormed his way into her close circle…only to have her repeatedly booted out. The first time was when he was targeting one of the other girls and she stood up to him. Suddenly they all turned on her, even the one who was in trouble before.

He would then take great delight in passing her on the playground sitting alone, and mock her for not having any friends and apparently being a socially awkward freak who reads and only has books for friends.

I can’t tell you how many tears I’ve shouldered from my kind hearted and faultlessly loyal kid over this. I have very much dreamt in high definition of facing this little snot nose myself, but I can’t. Firstly, it wouldn’t be a fair fight. And secondly, if Nicola doesn’t learn how to show some teeth, he will just be replaced by the next bully in short order.

So Thursday night we had the chat again. I told her, stop letting this little shit push you around. Tell him you don’t take orders from him and if he can’t stand being around you, then he should leave. Andy told her to knock his teeth out (boys sometimes have a much simpler way of dealing with things haha). Anyway, we both agreed that she should do what feels appropriate to her, and if there’s consequences we’ll back her 100%, but she needed to do something.

And she did! 😁 She told him he was a sniveling little bitch who couldn’t do anything for himself, and he was free to fuck off for all she cared, but she wasn’t going to dance to his tune any more.

I would have maybe gone with a different wording, but I fully endorse the sentiment. She said he wound his neck in quickly after that…long may it last. Peace has been restored to the land.

This is an extremely difficult age, when everyone is flexing whatever power they think they’re growing into. In my opinion this is especially hard for girls, they are all going through a process of finding their inner bitch. Part of growing up I guess, definitely much harder to see someone go through it without being able to help, than going through it yourself.

Also, a gift. In hard times, which are inevitable, you really get to see who’s in your corner. Fair weather friends versus your actual tribe. Not fun, but definitely valuable.

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Fancy meeting you here

29 March , 2021

As I’ve mentioned, our weekends are mostly full of markets these days. You get to know the other vendors and people involved pretty well over time. Imagine my surprise when someone greeted me by name, that didn’t look very familiar to me. Anyhoo, the bloody masks are to blame for that…and also that I haven’t seen him in aaaaages.

We ended up set up next to TGC’s brother at the market yesterday. (For those who weren’t reading here way back when, in short he’s Nicola’s uncle…who she has never met).

It was a bit awkward at first, but we were chatting about everything except that thing, and I guess we would have not talked about it all day but thankfully he broke the ice eventually. It turns out neither one of us is on speaking terms with TGC, and we hold pretty similar views on his behaviour.

Most importantly, there is actually no bad blood between us, and never has been. We have tentatively agreed to let Nicola and his daughter meet each other if our significant others agree. And it was actually a pretty surreal but pleasant experience clearing the air so to speak.

Andy and I agreed that we would first discuss it with Nicola and see where her head is at, and her head is in the clouds about it, which comes as no surprise. She is excited to meet her mystery cousin, aunt and uncle, on condition that she absolutely does not want to meet TGC. I am completely on board with this.

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Unexpected

13 March , 2021

So, this school year is off to a crazy start…some of it good, some not so much. N has had to cope with a couple of doozies already, and it’s like this sign was an omen or something because she really is flying!

Let me set the scene (well, to a certain extent as I have only managed to wiggle very scant details out of the N vault). There was a heated incident in her circle of friends. She wasn’t even directly involved, but came out swinging in defence of the one she saw crying about it. She either really doesn’t know what the original fight was about or she doesn’t want to say.

It went very pear shaped. A few days after this it seemed like the original owners of the issue had put it behind them and 2 of the 3 girls had put N’s participation behind them too, although they did say they can’t talk to her at school until the other one does too. I suggested that it might be a good idea to apologise to number 3 for the intense reaction so that they could move on past this.

A few days later they all got together to tell N she’s not welcome there anymore. Even the one she stood up for. Girls this age are not freaking funny guys, harsh, harsh, harsh…anyhoo, we’re trying to give her the space to work through this in her own way, but I did say that she probably didn’t need “friends” like that anyway. Sjoe, not even my friends but the one I really expected better from, and the betrayal stings even though it’s not mine. *Reminds self not to get involved unless asked*

So I was kind of expecting some grumpiness and melancholy in the home front, understandably, but it has been the exact opposite of that!

It’s like the weight of the world has lifted off her shoulders. She’s chatty and animated, she’s laughing and helping out around the house, she’s already made a bunch of new budds and started a study club with some of them. She clocked an amazing 90% on her English oral and managed to connect with her Maths teacher. She hasn’t even moaned once about losing her screen time for a month (day of the fight she lashed out “a bit” at home).

Honestly, I’m in awe of how she’s doing with this. Am I missing something? Is it really going to be that easy? I have been watching her like a hawk to see if this is a I’m-doing-great show, but no, she genuinely seem to be on top of the world. What a relief! Also makes me speculate a bit in the true nature of this previous friendship to be honest.

This age was hard enough for me as a kid, but I had more control over it when it was my own life. Watching your kid learn to deal with this sort of thing is a kak spectator sport I tell you! Thank goodness she seems to be doing a fabulous job on it.

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In the strangest year of all (so far), you turned 11

19 December , 2020

Dear Nicola,

What a freakin upside down year this has been?! It has been hard on all of us, but it has been especially hard on you.

And even though other people sometimes refer to you as my mini me, there has never been a time before where it has been more obvious that you are definitely your own little person…well, not that little anymore, but definitely your own.

I really don’t think I was the best mom for you in this bewildering past year, and not for lack of trying. My need for peace and quiet, and your need for connection and chaos were in direct opposition. We both tried our best, and that’s all there us to it now I guess.

As long as you know, no matter what, I love you unconditionally. I am proud to the point of bursting at how you take on life, even if it’s not the way I would do it. Actually, even more so then. Always keep being true to yourself, you’re amazing!

So…to my loud, kind hearted, moody, hilarious, always hungry, fiercely loyal, curious and amazing daughter…Happy Birthday! I hope that the next year will bring you adventure and delight beyond your wildest imaginings, and peace and contentment…and maybe some balance between two.

Lots of love xxx♥️
Mom-ster 😉

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Closer

29 June , 2020

We received a letter from the school yesterday, only the Gr7s had restarted classroom education so far during lockdown, and one of those children had now tested positive for Covid-19. Eep! The school was deep cleaned again in a hurry yesterday and all Gr7s have been sent home to wait and see for the next two weeks again. Some of the other grades started today.

Nicola’s grade is supposed to start next week and we’ve applied for her to continue remote learning from home for the time being due to her Alpha Thalassemia Trait which makes her more susceptible to infections.

She is of course gutted and misses her friends terribly, but we said that we will only even consider letting her rejoin classmates if the school has not one single infection from now till end of August. We had an above average suspicion that this was mission impossible really, but I must say they are handling this fairly sensibly. I also don’t think this will be the last infection, and they probably won’t come one at a time either in the near future.

Nicola might be more upset about this infection than the poor infected child him/her-self. She was sobbing her heart out yesterday after we shared the news with her, saying she will probably NEVER be allowed to leave the house again. Understandably.

I suppose there are people who are keeping a tight lip around their kids about this chaos, but we have always been honest with Nicola and she needs to be aware in order to be careful. This thing isn’t going away any time soon, and although we would love for her to be able to spend time with her friends and teachers, it is also painfully obvious that we are not actually being paranoid in not letting her go.

How are your kids dealing with the apocalypse?