On the up side…18 July , 2014
It’s been a really emotionally exhausting week. I threw myself into a proper grieving process with wild abondon to be honest. That’s not to say that I just let everything else drop, the laundry still had to be done, my pink terrorist still needed to have a bath and eat on a regular-ish schedule, there was a tremedous amount of work to get through at secret place this week…but I did a lot of crying. Ugly crying, not the graceful tear over the cheek sort of crying. I got sent home on a couple of occasions because I think it just unnerves the people around me when I sit at my desk doing that – seriously, everyone has been really kind and supportive. I really appreciate it, especially the Queen.
The way I usually deal with loss is to really let it rip for about three days, and then I calm down to a more acceptable level of sadness. Once I can write about it, I’m usually more or less okay. Seriously, the writing is the key for me to dealing with shocks…always has been…always will be. How do you deal with loss/shock/anger/any extreme emotion?
Yesterday one of my colleagues asked me if I was okay and if I needed to speak to someone (of the white coat and prescription pad variety, if you get my drift), but I assured her that I was okay. I am grieving, and it is the time to grieve. I’m giving myself the opportunity to feel the loss fully and then I’ll move on to remembering the good stuff and letting go of the rest. I explained the writing thing to her and showed her my post from yesterday. She started crying about her own mom who passed away years ago, gave me a big hug and bought me chocolate. It was quite moving to see my writing affect someone like that…
Today I got up without puffy eyes, and without crying in my morning bath. Things are looking up in other words…the memorial service is next week Wednesday, which will obviously be very emotional again. It will be hard to officially say goodbye, as it should be.
The week wasn’t all doom and gloom though, thanks to my family and friends, and mostly for the little clown I live with – Nicola! 😉
Best laugh this week though has to be the conversation at my parents’ place on Wednesday though.
K & R were talking about K’s friend A who is getting engaged. She wants a black diamond in her engagement ring, which if you’ve met her makes perfect sense really – she’s not a traditional sort of girl. So K says to R, that she would like to get a pink one for their anniversary. R says, a pink paper? It’s their first year anniversary in September, and I think paper is the traditional first anniversary gift – we all have a laugh about it and start throwing around ideas about what cool paper gifts would be. My mom, ever hopeful, says – you know what also has paper in it? Baby diapers! How about K giving R a baby for their anniversary? Nicola pipes up with, “Oh no! I don’t think he’ll like that very much.” Mwahaha, we were all laughing our asses off about that. We didn’t even realise she was listening.
And then this was very cute last night (video). You can’t see it but there is a whole audience of soft toys lined up for a game of pretend, and Nicola decides that she is the giant in this story and does a giant stomp. I wasn’t quick enough to catch the first one so I asked her to re-enact it for me…now I know what she gets up to upstairs when I’m bust cooking and it sounds like a herd of ellies stampeding around above me!
Ps! At secret place I am having the kind of week where I wish I owned a T-shirt that says “I told you so!” on the front in bold letters with a picture of a wagging finger. I’m not actually in the mood to pick up pieces behind someone who I’ve warned months in advance about what needed to be done…but this is the job, so I guess I’ll suck it up and get on with it…at my own pace…and with a raised eyebrow…and possibly a few passive and not so passive agrressive emails in between.
Next week will be better. I have decreed it so. 😉