I reject your reality and substitute it with my own!

8 May , 2013


I was so mad yesterday after I picked Nicola up from school.

Let me begin a few weeks back, shall I? I’m sure I have mentioned (repeatedly) the class bully that reigns in my daughter’s class? Well, she’s been at it again! A couple of weeks ago, one day, Nicola complained to me that this L-bully hit her in the eye with a spade. I asked the teacher about it, because I though, “Really? A spade?” and she confirmed it. Apparently this earned her 30 minutes in time out, but it could very easily have costed my child her one of only two eyes! Grrr! Of course I made my unhappiness known and was assured that they would deal with the matter.

Yesterday the teacher was waiting for me at the gate (so that she could tell me the first version of the story of course). L-bully attacked Nicola with a building block and she had a massive goose egg bruise on her forehead. This earned her another 10 minutes in time out – you know, since that was SO effective the last time. Grrrr! I had the teacher and the principal in discussions about the matter and I made it very clear that I am not sending my child to their school as a boxing bag for this little brat. Guess what they think the reason is why she might be behaving this way? Apparently it’s because her dad is raising her on his own. WTF?!

First off, I don’t really care why she is acting the way she does. I am only concerned with the behavioural problems of my own child when or if she has any, and any causes of that – I cannot save the world, so I’ll keep to my corner of it, thank you very much. Secondly, there are many children being raised in one parent homes (dads or moms) who are perfectly balanced and don’t feel the need to attack other kids because of their missing other parent, believe it or not there are even kids with no parents who manage to grow up without attacking everybody around them either. What a bullshit excuse! And if they insist on sticking to that excuse then am I to assume that she sees this kind of behaviouras  acceptable, is it what she’s used to? Then someone needs to look into that instead of making excuses for her.

I told them they better take care of this, or I will. And I also made it clear that I will be encouraging Nicola to hit back if L-bully hurts her again, and there better not be any consequences – if they can’t keep a lid on this then they can’t expect my child to just stand there and turn the other cheek/eye/forehead. I also told Nicola that, in front of them, and had them confirm to her that it will be okay if she fights back and she won’t get into any trouble (she seemed to perk up quite a bit after this).

I am furious…and relaunching the search for martial arts classes that are worth something. (Nicola is keen to take up Kung Fu because she also wants to see a panda – hahaha!). We also spent a bit of time last night practising a few basic strikes and blocks. Can you just imagine Nicola’s surprise when I taught her how to hit, and let her practice on me until I felt she packed enough of a punch! – I took a few solid hits to the face, there’s some real potential we can build on here 😉 .

As much as I know that these skills will probably come in handy for more than just nursery school one day, I really loathe the fact that I have to teach my child how to hurt another person at the age of 3 already! Grrr…dammit…just grrrr! 😦



  1. Not sure how to put this, so I’m just going to come out and say it. If Nicola is anything like you, I feel sorry for the bully. I’ve seen your approach to unsavory characters approaching you. Give her Kung Fu lessons and it will be the end of the bullying. As long as she knows when and where it is appropriate, I don’t see a problem with it.

    • Of course i intend to show her everything I know, but I had really hoped we could wait till she’s a bit older. I’m trying to keep my tricks age appropriate – wouldn’t want her to permanently damage someone by accident!

  2. I’ve typed and retyped a comment and then I keep deleting it. I’m raging for you.

    How dare the school presume to come up with a justification of how this ok? Especially since it’s not the first time this has happened apparently.

    Absolute bullshit, Louisa. You’re well within your rights to demand answers and a solution.

    • Thanks Miss Bee…I am not happy with them about this excuse business at all.

  3. Hi Louisa, as always I love your blog. Please chat to your child’s school again about the free of charge Bully Workshop that Manners4Minors offered them. We teach children how to recognise bullies and how to react on them. We have had excellent feedback from parents about our workshops at other schools. I will also give the headmaster a call again.

    • I really would like her to attend a session like that – what did the headmaster say? (when I spoke to her about it she seemd okay with it but wanted to do it a bit later in the year only)

      • Hi, I called the headmaster on Thursday. She said that she is definitely interested and that we must call again on Monday to arrange a date and time since they are now busy with Ouma and Oupa dag. I will call again on Monday and let you know what was said.

        By the way, bullying is not caused by single parents or one parent being absent. It is caused by absent minded parents who don’t give attention to their kids. Did I tell you about the child at the spur who kept on bullying my 2year old. He eventually pushed him right off the jungle gym. I then approached the mom and the dad, who were both sitting at their table with their noses in laptops and told them to control their child, or else I will do it to protect my child. The father was immediately rude and defensive and shouted at me and told me to meet him in the parking lot for a fight. No ways that poor bully child have a chance in life of becoming any better with a mom and dad like that!

  4. That is fucking insulting! I’m a single parent of 2 children who don’t bully. I’m sorry but hit the teacher with a damn spade!
    Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

  5. So by that reasoning your child should also be a bully since she’s being raised by a single mom? 🙂

    Can’;t wait to see the moves!!!

    PS today 18 minutes into town!

    • Didn’t you know? Girls raised without a dad all become strippers and those raised without moms become bullies. What a crock of shit.

      18 minutes?! I am absolutely GREEN with envy.

  6. I would have flipped my lid….I hope that Nicola gets a good punch in. Maybe it is best for this to happen cause it might teach the bully a lesson early in life. …..grrrrr……I love the idea of martial arts training. We have already decided that when Jadakins is old enough we will enrol her in a “martial art” and boxing…rounded off with a touch of ballet…smile

    • Hahaha! I think jada would be awesome as a boxing ballerina. 😀 So far we haven’t had any more incidents this week, but we’ll practice every night so that when she needs it she has the skill and the reflex down.

  7. By the way, De Wet has recently started Judo. He loves it and his confidence with bullies has upped enormously. They can start Judo at 3, and I am sure your mouse will have fun too!

    • Judo is great! Does he do it through school or is it something he does over weekends? Where does he go for that?

      • The judo is not at school. I take him to the lessons once a week in the afternoon and he loves it. He has been struggling to defend himself against his cousin for a while now and since he started the judo and the manners4minors his confidence has increased significantly. I was so impressed with him over the weekend. His cousin was at it again, and my child just grabbed him in a judo grip from behind and held him tightly and told him all the things that he learned at the bully workshop. I can definitely recommend it.

        There is a little girl of 3 in his class too and you should see her fight the boys.

        Have a look at http://www.kanojudo.co.za/ You could contact them and ask them about Saturday classes.

    • Thanks – I’ll definitely do that!

  8. I had a similar problem last year where my son was being hurt by a kid at school.E just took it as he is a bit of a softie. I finally pulled him out of the school after the kid tried to claw his eye out. Amazingly I got into the most trouble for this as I asked Mom’s on FB what they would do? I didn’t mention the schools name but somehow I got into trouble for damaging the schools image. I am still regarded as a bad outsider while the Mom of the bully is loved by all. Your story got me all rilled again as to how the schools treat problem kids. Teach her to fight back and make sure she does. Good luck:)

    • Thanks! Wow, I don’t think you’re the bad guy in that situation at all – what were you supposed to do, wait until he loses an eye?!

  9. I am fed up with bullies. Fed up that everyone think that time outs will make bullies not bully anymore. Fed up!

    • The time outs don’t help at all as far as I can see…I am fed up too.

  10. Oh gosh, no! The school is so not doing their job, BTW last year L went ahead and pinched the school bully (he was a word bully so it was harder to control but at least less physically dangerous). Guess what – they called the bullie’s parents in to inform them that at last one of the kids stood up for him and that they will tolaerate that until he stops bullying. I loved it!

    • Did it stop after that? I can’t wait for Nicola to fight back – I really do hope that it turns things around with this L-bully child.

  11. Zander also had a class bully and my kids don’t hit back either. Eventually, I too, told the teacher that he would be hitting back if it happened again. I assured him that he could and actually should do that. I also said that I am against hitting BUT if someone hits you first be sure to pack a decent hit so that you don’t have to do it twice. The bully is 2 years older than Zander but after that one hit, they had to phone his mom to explain why he had a blue eye. NEVER again did he bully Zander!

    • Hahaha! Love it – i think that’s perfectly acceptable. And it obviously made a big impression. 😉 Way to go Zander!

  12. Oh dear. My little girl is still under three and I’ve happily taught her to punch and kick – though I’m pretty sure wifey doesn’t approve 🙂

    • Good for you! So I shouldn’t worry that 3 is too young then? 😉

  13. oh dear, this is so horrible. I don’t buy that cheap excuse though. There are many well rounded kids that are raised by single parents and by the same token there are kids that are raised by both parents who turn out to be bullies….. I can’t imagine being a parent of either a child being bullied or the “bullier”

    I just hope it never happens again and that Nicola doesn’t need to use her newly acquired skill for a very long time to come

    • I hope so too…but the chances are slim. This girl has been in Nicola’s class since the baby class and her behaviour has always been a bit off. The older they get the more it escalates.

  14. […] – so far so good. I’ve contacted the Judo club for which i received the link on my previous post and asked them if they would consider giving lessons at Nicola’s school from next year – […]

  15. Oh my gosh. I cannot believe that they would say that! I would have been livid and I would sooooo not leave it there with the school!

    • It’s really such a bullshit excuse, isn’t it?

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