21 August , 2012


Firstly let me tell you about the arm. I left early yesterday and went to see the doctor. Good news: It’s not a heart attack 😉 it’s a muscle injury which he said he could treat and fix fairly easily. Hehehe…I almost accidentally punched the doctor in a reflex reaction. You know how they will twist and turn things and press here and there while asking you if this is sensitive? How about when I do that? Well, he found one that was a bit more than uncomfortable and before I had even thought about what I was doing, I had my not lame and sore arm up and my hand in a fist (while screaming eina fooooook!) he dropped it in a hurry and offered me injections to make it all better.

I actually have no idea what he gave me, all I know is that there were four things in it, it exhausted what was left of my medical aid and then some, I got one in the cheek and one in the arm, and by the time I got to my car in the parking lot my pain was gone. Money well spent I reckon. 😉

Now, onto to the current Nicola mistery. Thanks for all the comments yesterday, especially MeeA who had a lot of words of wisdom to consider. Just after I hit post on yesterday’s story, I phoned the school for an update. The teacher said that they had tried to split them but that the girls were having NONE of it, so they were just standing guard closeby to see what the heck was going on. Nicola, L and D were playing peacefully all day long without a single incident, and yet when I got to the school Nicola wasted no time in telling me that L had hurt her again. I watched CCTV footage, no signs of foul play at all.

Mmmm…the plot thickens.

So, I got to thinking about what the reason might be for all these tall tales and I came up with a theory which makes me the bad guy. I am very comfortable with those kinds of scinarios because then there is usually at least SOMETHING that I can do to change things and make it better.

If Nicola doesn’t want to go to school but it’s not because of something she’s trying to avoid there, could she be trying to dodge school because she’s actually trying to spend more time with me? Look, we spend almost every non working moment together as it is – but perhaps it’s not the kind of time she’s looking for?

You know how it goes when you’re a parent, or as in my case a single parent. The work is just never done. Never. Ever. So if you look at a typical night for us this is what happens: We get home. Nicola wants to play, I get her started on something and then go load some washing in the machine. While that’s going I start cooking a quick dinner for us. Fold some laundry, tidy up a bit, water the garden, answer some emails. Nicola wants to go watch a movie, I put one on. Nicola wants to help cooking, if I can’t find something blunt and cool for her to look busy with I try and distract her with something non-cooking related. We sit down to dinner. After dinner I go get the laundry and put it in the dryer. Nicola moans at me for leaving the house to do that. I go have a smoke and attampt 5 minutes of absolute silence. I run a bath for Nicola, who runs around trying to avoid it. Bath happens anyway, sometimes there is acceptance, sometimes there isn’t. Then I dress her in pajamas, put on a animated and go have a bath myself. After bath I go wash the dished and clean the kitchen. Eventually I get to bed for some snuggle time with Nicola, who at this point feels more like jumping on the bed than snuggles. Eventually the chaos settles down, with or without arguments, ultimatums and tears (both of us sometimes). And then we sleep.

So last night I decided to switch things up and test my theory. Keep in mind that I can’t afford to do what I did last night every night, but it might be worth looking into as a more regular thing at least. I didn’t do laundry. I didn’t cook. I didn’t clean. I did nothing on my had to do list at all. I didn’t even read emails. I picked Nicola up (with a busted shoulder), we went to KFC and got chicken and coleslaw. After dinner we did some finger painting. We washed up together even though most of the bathroom is now covered in a faint red splatter from someone’s vigorous nail brush action. 😉 (I had a blank canvas which I had in mind for a project, but I decided that we’ll finger pain the hell out of it and it could make a lovely background for what I have in mind. Plus Nicola is having some issues regarding colouring in the lines and I thought she could do with a break from all of that performance anxiety).

It was messy…like in seriously MESSY. It was relaxing. And it was fun! Best of all, it worked like a charm. NO arguments about bath. NO arguments about bed time. NO arguments about getting up. NO arguments about getting dressed. NO arguments about going to school. (also no actual work done and I got up at 04:00 to cath up, but I will work out a way of making it all fit and fun at the same time…somehow).

I guess I owe L and apology. It turns out that I’m the asshole and not her.



  1. Oh sweetie be a bit less harsh on yourself – we all just do the best we can but yes, they thrive on real one on one time. The all do and are all easier when we do it.

  2. I love how you have changed things up last night and spent some great painting time with your daughter. Would love to have seen you two in action 🙂

  3. Glad to hear there’s nothing sinister going on at school. With that settled, you can relax a bit while you work out what the real issue is. 🙂

  4. 1. Glad you are feeling better
    2. Glad you found some answers to little Nicolas “problem” (although I still think paintball gun shooting sounding like alot more fun…smile)
    3. I still cannot get over how much you look like your Dad

  5. Okay, you, my dear, are a genius! Genius. She is a quality time child! Connor is also quality time and we literally have NO problems when he gets lots of “proper” time from both of us. The lady that ran that workshop I went to last year said QT kids are probably the most exhausting but there are ways to make it easier (involve them in all your chores). Connor is my laundry helper and he does a VERY good job!

    I’m reading Five Love Languages of Children and when I finish, you can read it (if you take good care of my book!)

    Also the thought of KFC chicken and coleslaw made my mouth water – yummmmmmy.

    PS this may be bad timing but just start thinking for Sept! are you keen to do an early supper with me? (the may one that we postponed)

  6. Glad your arm is sorted. Hope no more pain?

    Oh dear, I’m short of words. Amazing things little ones do and say. I definitely under-estimate their intelligence. Good you were able to find out the truth before things got ugly. I hope you can find a balance that would work for the two of you eventually

  7. So so glad it wasn’t really a bullying issue. What a relief. I can’t imagine dealing with it at such a young age.

    And what an inspired evening solutio 🙂 I’m sure you can find little 100% attention things to do almost every evening as well as all of the stuff that needs to be done 😉

  8. cat, all I can really do is try my best…thanks. I can’t believe I didn’t see this sooner though. 😦

    blackhuff, it was the mother of all messes! Hahaha, I’ll show you the art work when it’s all done, but at the time there were no clean hands to operate the camera. 😉

    MeeA, I am relieved too. As soon as she’s old enough I’m still enrolling her for some sort of martial arts though.

    Melinda, hehehe – I have not completely given up on that idea of yours. i just need to wait for the perfect perpetrator. 😉 My dad and I really do look a lot alike. I am a daddy’s girl in more than one way I guess.

    Marcia, I would love to read that book when you’re done with it. I promise to take good care of it. Supper sounds good, but I’ll just have to see how this quality time effort thing slots into our new daily schedule and I have massive amounts of training days until mid October which might throw a spanner in the works too.

    Mrs FF, arm is perfect after that injection. The man is really a miracle worker. We’ll find a new balance eventually I’m sure. I feel quite embarressed that it had to get to this point for me to find the problem to be honest. I should have seen it sooner.

    Philligirl, what I’m doing at the moment is instead of rushing to go pick Nicola up as soon as possible, I swing by our home first and load some laundry. Then I take an half an hour or so just for me and whatever I want to do. Also some quiet time to reset after work. When I go to pick her up there is now a lot less rushing while trying to relax and trying to give her the attention she wants and deserves. So far so good. We did painting on Monday and last night we made the stickiest popcorn balls known to mankind. It seems the messier the more she enjoys it. 🙂

  9. […] you will remember that I told you about the quality time issue we were having that I initially thought was school bully […]

  10. just read your response to phillygirl and you are a genius! Seriously.

  11. Marcia, thanks! Hahaha…I don’t always feel like one.

  12. Goodness me. I am sooooo happy that you figured this out. And you are so clever to first go home and do some stuff! Seriously. Stop being so hard on yourself. We all do the best we can with what we have. You are an AWESOME Mama. I mean it.

    • Thank you. I know I’m sometimes too hard on myself. All I can do really is the best of my abilities, and I have a clear conscience about that. Now that I’ve figured out what the problem is I’ll direct my energy in that direction and figure out a way to deal with it.

  13. Cuz, you truly are a genius. I’ve been directing people to your blog for parenting advice and I’ve started spending more time with my own monster as well. You’re doing a fantastic job. Keep it up ((hugs))

  14. Thanks Cuz! That means a lot to me. 😀

  15. […] still have the occasional tantrum, but in general things have really improved since we changed up our routine a bit. The morning especially have become practically drama free and I couldn’t be […]

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