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Ramble post – Well that was awkward

3 June , 2011

I thought I had a bit more time to come up with a suitable answer on this one, but it seems that I’ve kind of run out.

Nicola has this habit now that she can remember and say a few names, to run through all of the people she knows every night asking me where they are. Some I think she misses, others she’s just reminding me that she knows there names in case I forget. 😉

It goes something like this:

  • Nicola: Ouma?
  • Me: Ouma is at her house
  • Nicola : Oupa?
  • Me: Oupa is also at his house
  • Nicola: Joey?
  • Me: Joey has gone back to Thabazimbi. Can you say Thabazimbi?
  • Nicola: mummble-chatter-eeeee (not quite there yet)
  • Nicola: Hee-haan? (her version of Riaan)
  • Me: Riaan is also at his house
  • Nicola: Kah-hin (her version of Karen)
  • Me: Karen is at her house
  • Nicola: Tweeeee! (Karen tried to teach her how to count, her favourite part of that was two)

Anyway…this carries on a bit, we run through a few of my friends’ names that she knows, then all the kids in her class, and a couple of other pals she has, all the stuffed animals and dolls that she’s named – next thing she comes up with a whopper that I totally did not see coming.

  • Nicola: Pappa?
  • Me: …*silence*
  • Nicola: PAPPA?
  • Me: Pappa is not here *gulp* (please, please, pleeeeease let that be enough for now)
  • Nicola: Tigger?
  • Me: At Ouma’s house (yay, easy one this time) *commence breathing again*

I attribute this sudden interest in “a dad’s” whereabouts to our reading Finding Nemo. She knows Marlin is Nemo’s dad, and they’re also busy with some arts and craft project at school for father’s day. *shrug* Must be that, right?

Anyway, luckily she was happy with the answer I gave. We’ll obviously have to start elaborating on that soon-ish when she asks again or gets a bit older. I’ve had almost a year and a half to think about the answer and I still don’t know exactly what I’m going to say. I’m not going to bog her down with detail that she can’t understand yet anyway, so I guess the answer will grow with the question?

Any advice or words of wisdom on this?

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15 comments

  1. EEK! I think you handled that quite well though. Maybe when she asks again you can tell her that he’s not around anymore and that you’ll explain more when she’s older?

    Sterkte. *hugs*


  2. Ah yes, fathers day projects at school. I know it was a little irrational but I used to lose it when the schools had Damien make something for his dad! Especially since I was very firm on the point that he didn’t know his dad- that there was no part-tine or weekend parent thing happening! Until he could understand better, my standard answer was that he just didn’t live with us. Once he could speak better and kids at school started asking I told him to tell them that he’d married another lady.the other kids at least understood that. Strongs sweetie. It doesn’t get any easier. xxx


  3. “he doesn’t live with us” seems like a good option. The problem is when she get’s older and start asking “why?”!


  4. Eish…tough one that:/


  5. I like Angel’s answer because I seriously have no idea! None!


  6. No idea apart that Oupa would love the fathersday gift, I’m sure. Why not ask the school to make it for Oupa?

    Our L runs through everybody’s cars at night – he even prays for the cars.


  7. You did well on this round 🙂 Tell a child only the truth and only as much as he/she has asked at that specific moment. As she grows older, she will anyway understand more, and there are many, many one-parent houses these days. Strongs!


  8. Louisa,
    Tough one! Sterkte.
    Amanda


  9. Thanks guys 🙂


  10. I always just say Cape Town because that’s where J’s dad lives. I don’t make any issue about father’s day at all – he just makes it and we “send” it to Cape Town.


  11. Sorry, by “it” I meant like the arty thing they make at school for father’s day.


  12. Stupid bloody holiday anyway.


  13. Tough one. It’s great to read Angel and Jackson’s Mom’s answers because they’ve been in that spot. I think you did well and wish I had some useful advice for you.


  14. Shoo hun that is a tough one. Abigail always asks us where Joshua is when he is visiting his father and we just say Patrick, I don’t want to have to explain to a 2 year old that her brother has another father. Good luck!!


  15. Thanks guys…I think for the artsy thing they’re making at school we’ll be giving it to my bruddah bear since he’s Nicola’s godfather and I think he’ll get a kick out of it. I did tell the school that there was no dad in the beginning of the year but they recommended that I let her make the project anyway otherwise she might feel left out while the other kids were busy with it…which I agreed to.

    She hasn’t asked again about where her dad is, but we’ll see. I won’t lie about it (like killing him off in an imaginary car accident or something) but at the same time I’ll try and tell the story in the nicest way (as opposed to some of the more choice phrases that I would use if HE was the one I was discussing it with).

    It’s been really helpful to get everyone’s input on it – especially you who have had to answer similar questions on your own before. Thanks again!



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