Reasons to feel good today

Mwahahaha! I am such an idiot.

Please…allow me to elaborate:

Since my discovery of the SARS assessment and the amount of money I owe them I have been tying myself in knots trying to come up with an action plan on how to deal with this blow.

On Thursday I was a hysterical, teary-eyed mess! (We’re talking brown-paper-bag-HYSTERICAL here).

Thursday night I was up until about 2am writing. When I’m upset I write. I wrote plenty! Also I didn’t much feel like talking to people (completely unlike me, most days you can hardly get me to shut up at all). Even my dreams were full of angst and trouble. I actually dreamt that a mountain of a man (6.6 ft at least!) walked into our call centre with a pistol and tried to rob us – in my dream I beat the stuffing out of him and he left in an ambulance.

Friday I wrote some more…plenty more… I calmed myself down enough to start coming up with a plan. I sat here doing calculations and making plans and strategies on how to dig myself out of this pit of despair. That my hair didn’t catch fire from the heat generated by all my thinking is a small miracle on its own I’ll tell you!

Friday night dreaming involved me visualising me implementing my new strategy on closing deals, I dreamt all night of conversations I would have over the phone with my clients. Not everyone will understand this reference, but I even dreamt the money feeling! (Best way that I can describe it is it feels almost like when you travel in an escalator and your stomach feels like it’s doing gymnastic manouvres on it’s own, a mix between panic and exhilaration – I get this feeling every time I close a deal – it’s awesome!).

Obviously I woke up amped and ready to rumble. I was so ready to go that I almost wished the weekend away so I could get going on my new plan. I was on top of the world once more (or well on my way there anyway). So with this new sparkly mind-set I decided to open the SARS letter again to see exactly when they wanted the money and to see how I could apply for a reassessment and so on.

– – – –

After careful scrutiny of the offending document that had me in such a state for the last few days, it seems that:

They actually owe me that money!

– – – –

I am so relieved I can’t stop grinning from ear to ear. Except that I know I am going to be mocked senseless for this at the office, but oh well… *shrug*

And best of all, I’m still better off now this way that I would have been if I had not misunderstood the stupid letter to begin with. Because now I have a plan and a vision on how to improve my performance at work. Why should I be satisfied doing the same-old-same-old and get mediocre results when I now KNOW how to do it better? FFS – I dreamt the money feeling after all, can’t let that go to waste!

I’m taking this to be the silver lining and the lesson to be learnt from this experience. I was meant to have blind panic and find a way through to get to the point where I was willing to stop holding back and JUST DO IT!

Thank you SARS. It feels very good to be on friendly terms with you lot again. It was just the kick in the butt I needed to motivate me – even if you didn’t intend it that way.

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